"You Never Shoot A Guy In The Dick!"

It's been like 3 months since I popped on here to share my peculiar (but endlessly fucking desirable) insight into the world of popular culture, so I know some cats been fiending out there for awhile now (namely one kid whose name rhymes with Mack Turk). I've just been keeping busy with a myriad of other shit and, quite frankly, wasn't crazy digging on anything enough to waste verbiage on the internets about it.

I won't bore you with what I've been up to. If you know me well enough, you can fill in the blanks with triple shot screwdrivers, long conversations about Kurt Vonnegut and copious replays of TV On The Radio's live version of "Ambulance." If not, just pretend my busy months were some cool amalgamation of the works of Jack Kerouac and the cinema of Seijun Suzuki (shout out to Tokyo Drifter!)

Top Ten Time: Been Keepin' The Conductor Busy --

1) Did I mention TVOTR's new album Dear Science? Because its fucking awesome. Tunde, Dave, Kyp and the guys basically staked their claim as my favorite band on Earth (this month anyway...) and even managed to surpass the already insurmountable awesomeness that was Return To Cookie Mountain.

The album's production sounds like Prince, Thriller-era Quincy Jones, Peter Gabriel, Brian Eno, Fela Kuti and Aunt Jemima got together to create the most sugary, bass-y, hard-hitting, funky prog-rock syrup to unclog your ears in today's trying ass times. You'll have something to dance and fuck to while chewing on Tunde's ruminations in today's unsure society (and if "Lover's Day" doesn't make you want to fuck someone til their spine's twisted, then you're libido needs a check-up.)

2) Heroes is the new Lost.

I know people have been saying it for years and shit, but the new season just reminds me that for every awesome ass moment they deliver us (SYLAR AND PETER ARE BROTHERS???) there's another head scratching moment that makes me hate how sophomoric their writing team is (So, now HALF the cast can time travel and/or be indestructable? Really? Did you guys learn nothing from early 90s X-Men comics?)

If Claire wasn't so hot and Zachary Quinto so badass, I'd've dropped this shit like a bad habit before the writer's strike. Watch your back, NBC.

3) Burn After Reading was a nice Coens flick. If No Country For Old Men is their Hellboy (we're using Mike Mignola here) then this is their Amazing Screw-On Head, a random, satisfying cum shot release after a difficult, terse, and somber piece of work. These guys like to have fun, and this movie reminded me of that.

4) Shia LaBeuf and I should hang out. I just watched Eagle Eye and that dude is cool. Other than him, the only thing making me feel like a 14 yr old white girl of late is Fall Out Boy. Their Clinton Sparks hosted mixtape Welcome To The New Administration was surprisingly listenable, and the two songs from their new album are both pretty fantastic. This coupled with their highly bangable cover of "Love Lockdown" have re-ignited my public/secret affection for the musical stylings of Patrick Stump and his goofy hat/mutton chop combinations.

5) Empire of The Sun is a cool band. I know nothing about them (nor do I feel like digging) other than the fact that "Walking On A Dream" is a catchy fucking song. They also have the coolest album cover of the year (find it your damn self.)

6) Is it just me, or is "Dead & Gone" the new T.I., Justin Timba-Lake collabo a certified burner that blows away most of the rest of Paper Trail?

7) I'm more excited about Murs For President than I am about the actual election. Any dude who can sample the Green Hornet theme and a James Blunt song on an underground hip-hop album deserves to rake in some sales, which makes me feel even more guilty for not buying his album.

8) Phonte from Little Brother is a dope MC, and a cool ass dude. If listening to his interludes on the Justus League/Little Brother mixtape "And Justus For All..." doesn't make you want to quit your shitty ass job, buy an MPC, make beats and put out music, then I don't know what will you lazy backpacker.

9) I wish DIPLO could remix my life, and sample the horns from "Careless Whisper" like he did for Paper Route Gangstaz (it'd also be cool if Blaqstarr did some extra cuts for the EP.)

10) I read Quentin Tarantino's new screenplay. INSTANT CLASSIC.

QT + Nazis + French Film Overtones = AWESOMESAUCE.

Stay tuned, kiddies...