Comeback Central: Located At 221-B Baker Street?

Before I get into how tantalizing a thought the above image is (and it is very, very tantalizing), let's talk about Guy Ritchie.



Guy Ritchie is a man of many mistakes. Well, one really. He married Madonna and fell victim to Gavin Rosdale Syndrome (a debilitating disease in which an otherwise affable and talented bloke is turned into a baby-sitter by his hot and famous pop-star wife.) Ritchie is responsible for two of the coolest movies of all time (Lock, Stock & 2 Smoking Barrels and Snatch) as well as one of the worst (Swept Away, his Madge-starring remake of the classic Italian film that left him in director jail obscurity.)

The man who helped make Jason Statham a household(ish) name tried making a comeback with Revolver, a mixed-reviewed movie I still haven't seen but apparently am not exactly missing out on. Now, it appears, the man who made quick-cuts, cockney accents and shaggy-dog heist stories a humorously post-modern genre all their own has weaseled his way into a comeback.

I say "weaseled" because, in all honesty, the only reason Ritchie's latest film RockNRolla is getting even the slightest hint of a buzz is because it stars Gerard Butler, the 300 star Warner Bros. would have hired Hitler to direct if it meant they could keep some more of that Sparta money coming their way. Joel Silver was so pleased with the new (as yet unreleased) film that he let leak that he wanted Guy to helm his long-in-development adaptation of the legendary WWII-set DC Comic Sgt. Rock.



Now, there's a concept I can get behind. A man who is really good at having people shoot each other with witty one-liners doing a WWII film based on a comic book. That actually sounds like a greenlight waiting to happen. Then Warner Bros. (a company who I lose little droplets of respect for with every passing day) announced that they want Guy to direct their latest hope at a new franchise: SHERLOCK FUCKING HOLMES.

Okay. Now, I love me some Arthur Conan Doyle. Sherlock is one of my favorite characters in literary history. His mythology is rich and he's just fucking cool. It's been ages since Hollywood made a serviceable adaptation of any of his stories (unless you count the entirety of Law & Order: Criminal Intent which is, for the most part anyway, just Dick Wolf and former showrunner Rene Balcer remaking Sherlock as a neurotic NYPD Detective.) I just have one qualm.



Guy Ritchie is good at a great many things (well, that's a stretch,) but nuanced mystery has yet to be proven among them. There's pretty much only one individual that could get signed and get me excited about this project.

NOW BACK TO THAT PICTURE:

Robert Downey Jr. is one of the few, proud actors in Hollywood that can play pretty much any part given to him. A lot of people think of Johnny Depp when they think of that type of actor, but fuck him. I like him, sure, but he's no Bobby DJ (yes, I just made up that nickname. Feel free to co-sign.) Now that Iron Man is making hundreds of millions of dollars, Downey is finally A-List after 20+ years in the biz. That means he's getting asked to join more projects than the only smart kid in a science class in the slums.

Of those projects (which include another detective franchise and a fantasy movie from the guy who did Seabiscuit, and a movie about cowboys and aliens titled, yes, Cowboys & Aliens) the only one I think could sufficiently supplement Iron Man is Sherlock.

Who else could imbue the part with the charm, intellect, wit and presence needed to make Sherlock a modern, kick-ass action hero (something I'm guessing WB wants to do if they have Guy fucking Ritchie directing based on some unpublished comic that casts Holmes as more swashbuckling than junkie-know-it-all.)

Personally, I think this movie has serious potential. I just hope they get someone who isn't Guy to pen the script (preferably someone with gravitas, like The Queen's Peter Morgan, or a master craftsman like Michael Clayton scribe Tony Gilroy) and don't go too far in the direction of making Sherlock James Bond.

They could always take a page out of the Green Hornet sidekick dynamic playbook and have Jason Statham play Watson as an ass-kicking, McDreamy-esque doctor who aids his friend Sherlock by kicking dudes in the head and driving expensive, European cars very, very fast.

Either way, this franchise has serious potential, so long as they don't replace all the interesting subtlety of the Holmes mythology with British gangsters and explosions. Well, not TOO many explosions, anyway.

R.I.P. Stan Winston

The man is responsible for arguably the best make-up effects work in the history of cinema (no offense, Rick Baker.) He's responsible for everything from Terminator to Jurassic Park even to the recent Iron Man. I have nothing to say that merely reading off his imdb credentials wouldn't better illustrate.




He will be sorely missed.

A Movie Ostensibly About Kicking

Look, I don't fucking care what the plot of Ong Bak 2 is and neither should you. All you need to know is that fight master extraordinaire Tony Jaa is making his directorial debut with a tenuously connected sequel to the film that made him big all over the world.

THINGS YOU CAN EXPECT IN ONG BAK 2:

- Tony Jaa cutting off a dude's head with a sword.
- Tony Jaa hopping on elephants.
- Tony Jaa hitting people accompanied by that awesome bone-crunching sound.
- Tony Jaa impregnating a young woman by kicking her in the face with his dick*

* one of these is made up.

Here's the trailer:



And, because I know you can't get enough of people getting kicked, here's a trailer for a film puzzingly titled Chocolate from the guy who directed the first Ong Bak/. In point of fact, it's just like Ong Bak, only with a chick, which actually makes it potentially awesomer than Ong Bak.



Time will tell.

Strange Fruit (Hanging From The "Pop" Tree)

Tha Carter III may be hogging all of the spotlight as the "IT" rap album of '08 (if for no reason than people aren't widely aware that Andre 3000 is putting out a disc in the fall), but that doesn't mean it necessarily IS the "IT" album of the year. My smart money for that is on Nas' new controversial release, Nigger.

Yeah, yeah. I know. He "changed the title" so Wal-Mart would carry it and shit, but its the Nigger album. I wanted to get a job at a record store just to hear PC-people struggle to ask for it. Who the fuck is actually going to be referring to it as Untitled? Besides, I kind of like the new "edited" album cover. It looks a helluva lot more powerful than Nas in a rocking chair under the infamous N-word.



Judging on the strength of the Polow Da Don-produced single "Hero" (yes, Polow, you are forgiven for "Love In This Club") I think this album might have a strong chance at instant classic status. That, or at least Nas will accomplish being entertaining and expressing his own controversial views while selling records. That'd be nice. A top selling hip hop album unencumbered by a club banging radio-hit. Be Illmatic Or Die Tryin.

The real clincher for me is the new Rik Cordero-directed short film video for "Be A Nigger Too." It smacks of "99 Problems" and some of the work Anthony Mandler has done for Common and leans a little on the side of pretension, but I love the song. Keep an eye out for cameos from The Wire's Andre Royo and Harold And Kumar's John Cho.



Now, I'll leave you with a nice salvo for the actual release, which I think is scheduled for mid-July. DJ Green Lantern and Nas just released this fire mixtape and it features a nice, bangable preview of what to expect.

Nas & DJ Green Lantern present - The Nigger Tape

The Return Of The 'Tunes or, "I See Sounds."

Do remember, back a few years ago, when seemingly every radio hit sounded like it was written and produced by The Neptunes? That's because Pharrell Williams and Chad Hugo had pretty much taken over pop music. No longer content to just produce club bangers for hip-hoppers (N.O.R.E.'s "Superthug" is a highlight of that early era), they graduated to Quincy Jones status by crafting hits for Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, your mom, etc. Joining the ranks of Timbaland before them (and I suppose T-Pain and Akon after them), they weren't just producers. They were SUPERproducers.

All that was enough to make them staples in the pop cultural landscape, but they also, along with friend Shae Haley, formed a band called N.E.R.D. Their debut In Search Of... was an instant classic, fusing so many genres and sounds that it could only be described as "...that Neptune sound..." (thanks Jay.) Their follow-up Fly Or Die was equally dope, but didn't catch on quite the same.

Around that time, things started to change for the Neptunes. Pharrell became more and more ubiquitous, finding solo success (sort of) with In My Mind and all of his other Chad-less collaborations. Chad spent more time with his family as well as doing production work as "Chase Chad" for friend Kenna's debut album. Newer Neptunes-crafted hits are conspicuously devoid of Chad Hugo songwriting credits, as Pharrell did a lot of the work on Clipse's Hell Hath No Fury solo. With less and less radio hits and more time apart, beatheads were worried The 'Tunes would go the way of Outkast.

Luckily, that hasn't happened.



Right on the heels of Neptunes production work making a resurgence with their excellent work on Madonna's Hard Candy, N.E.R.D. has come back strong with their third LP, Seeing Sounds. It hits stores on June 10th and is already a shoo-in for my Top 5 of '08 list. Not since The New Pornographers first-three album streak has anyone consistently released pop music this good. My ears have not felt this good in some time.

We already know how money the first two singles, "Everyone Nose" and "Spazz," are, but every track on the album is of this caliber. From the Hives-guesting "Time For Some Action" to the epic track "Sooner Or Later," the album is nearly flawless.

(I say nearly because "Love Bomb," while cute and Lennon-esque in the mold of the middle third of Fly or Die, is kind of annoying. Also, Shae is still widely useless, but what are you gonna do? Everyone needs a Ringo.)

"Anti-Matter" and "Kill Joy" both exhibit a frenetic, party-ready exuberance that is both welcome and applaudable. Another highlight is "Happy," as sexy and exciting as it is dreamy and suprisingly pop-rock-ish. So far, my favorite track is "Yeah You," a jazzy, smooth rumination on stalker-y, crazy girls that Pharrell probably has to deal with on a regular basis.

The Neptunes are back on their grizzy, and if the rumors are true, this bodes very well for the propsed CRS (Pharrell, Lupe, Kanye) supergroup release. If nothing else, I now really want to see them live on the Glow In The Dark tour.

Cop this album! Highest possible recommendation.

N.E.R.D. - Anti-Matter
N.E.R.D. - Windows
N.E.R.D. - Yeah You

5 Songs You Should Be Listening To

Yes, watch as I force my musical obsessions onto you.




Kleerup f. Robyn - With Every Heartbeat

Further proof that Swedish people know how to make fucking pop music. I randomly discovered Kleerup (full name Andreas Kleerup), a record producer, because one of the other tracks on his self-titled debut compilation features Lykke Li (my future Wifey.) This track is crazy catchy, delicious and good for you. It's like if Total cereal tasted like Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but in music form.

The Wombats - Bleeding Love

First off: I fucking LOVE The Wombats. If you don't have A Guide To Love Loss & Desperation you are sorely missing out, my friend. They make the kind of angular, witty, brit rock that makes me happy inside. Conversely, I fucking HATE Leona Lewis. Her hit single "Bleeding Love" is so sickly catchy that I often find myself wanting to bludgeon her into submission with a stack of NME Magazine back issues. This cover, however, is fantastic. It turns the saccharine nature of her lyrics and gives them a post-punk-y edge I can swallow. "Bleeding Love" could be this year's "Since U Been Gone," "Crazy" or "Umbrella" as far as indie pop covers go. This needs to be in a movie.

MC Chris - Older Crowd

MC Chris is my fav nerdcore rapper. It takes alot to rap about video games, anime, comic books and computers and NOT sound like a one-trick, in-joke pony. His new LP MC Chris Is Dead is a little bit dancier than his previous releases, and this track is the pinnacle of that. Weaving a tale of aging hipster, looming mid-life crisis horror that would make James Murphy blush, Chris manages to do what all rap music should: express himself expertly while making us want to dance. This song plays in the background every time I leave my apartment.

The Foxboro Hot Tubs - Ruby Room

American Idiot was a Green Day album I thought sucked until I heard the tracks done live on Bullet In A Bible. Even then, I wondered, "where's the fun?" Politically driven concept albums about modern-day middle America are nice and all that, but when I listen to rock music, I want to have some fucking fun. Lucky me, Green Day pulled another Network and released a side-project as The Foxboro Hot Tubs. Stop, Drop and Roll feels like 60s garage rock, and my fav track at the moment is "Ruby Room," for no other reason than it features a Mellotron, the coolest instrument ever. I really hope this hits big on rock radio, but rock radio is dead, so, doubt it.

Rick Ross f. Pharrell - Get Down

Rick Ross sucks. He's like a shittier graduate from the Young Jeezy School Of Coke Rap. He's a mediocre MC who makes up for his lack of lyrical prowess with an above average amount of swagger and presence. Needless to say, that doesn't matter when you're spitting over an infectious beat courtesy of The Neptunes that should've been a gigantic club smash. It feels more like a Pharrell solo track that Rick Ross' authoritative boom accompanies, but, regardless, I fuck with it hard.

Weezy Got Me Torn Like Imbruglia (Tha Carter III: The Reluctant Review)

Despite having the funniest fucking album cover in the history of rap music (this kid should've been Kenard from The Wire), Tha Carter III is the most anticipated hip hop album in a long fucking time. Personally, I've gone through a whole separation anxiety, psychologically torturous love/hate relationship with the album. I kept flip-flopping between genuine excitement, cautious worry, and outright "fuck that nigga. I'ma start fucking with T.I. again."

Well, thanks to Wayne's useless verbal war with mixtape DJs everywhere, the album is officially available on the internets. Some of my friends are being decent people and waiting until the June 10th release to actually purchase the album. They've waited this long, I suppose, so it makes sense. I'm impatient, though. This album could potentially be vital to understanding the hip hop landscape in 2008, so I couldn't wait any longer.

The first thing I'd like to say about the album is "I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO!!!"

I kept saying, again and again, it doesn't matter how good this album is going to be, WE'VE WAITED TOO LONG AND IT WON'T FUCKING MATTER, and I'm right. If this album had come out 6-8 months ago, people would be creaming over it like Peter North. It hasn't even officially dropped in stores, and there's already a backlash among the hip hop bloggerati. You've got people hating on the auto-tune on "Lollipop" or complaining that TCIII has too many guest spots.

The truth of the matter is it's a solid album. A very strong release with an above average number of decent tracks. Is it the monster we all wanted? No. On a scale of Godzilla 2000 to Cloverfield it's the dragon Sean Connery voiced in Dragonheart. The thing that kept nagging me as I began devouring the 18 tracks Lil' Wayne has seen fit to bestow upon us was the sense of what could have been.

I couldn't stop thinking about all of the 5-star tracks that could have lit this album aflame if they hadn't been independently leaked for no reason. I suppose in today's market landscape, the notion of a single track being placed in the context of an album is fairly unimportant, but you can hear on this track list spaces where "Gossip" (which will be available as a bonus disc called "The Leak" with the deluxe edition of TCIII) or "I Know The Future" or "Reppin Time" or "I Feel Like Dyin."

Okay. Enough bitching. On to the positives.

Wayne has assembled the kind of perfect line-up of producers that most rappers kill for. He's got Cool & Dre, Just Blaze, The Alchemist, Wyclef Jean, Swizz Beatz, and Streetrunners. The two producers with the most tracks are Kanye West, who brings above average beat heat, from the strangely outtake sounding Robin Thicke guesting "Tie My Hands" to the woulda-been-a-radio-hit-10-years-ago Babyface-guesting "Comfortable." Banner, typically an underrated producer, contributes the two funniest songs on the album (unintentionally) "Phone Home" an song that turns the classic Wayne line "We are not the same, I'm a Martian" and turns it into a whole riff on E.T., and "La La" probably my least favorite track on the album, and not just because it's fucking retarded and features Busta Rhymes (no, wait, it's EXACTLY that.)

Initial singles "A Milli" and "Got Money" with T-Pain sound alot better in context than they did on their own, the former benefitting greatly from no longer featuring Cory Gunz. There's a feeling of rehash in some of Weezy's lines, but the one reusage I dig is on "Playin' With Fire" when he reuses the last verse from "World Of Fantasy." Its an album highlight, and really stands out. The Jay-Z guest track, "Mr. Carter" is my current favorite. I just like hearing Wayne try out the soul-sample route, which works surprisingly well on the final, 10 minute track, "Misunderstood."

Juelz and Fabolous help out on "Nothin On Me" and it leads into to Kanye-produced "Let The Beat Build" pretty well, and although I can see it being a fairly successful radio hit, the song "Mrs. Officer" with Bobby Valentino, an entire song about Weezy fucking a female cop, comes off as kind of ridiculous (if unfairly catchy.)

What it all boils down to is a solid B+. I like it. If I HAD paid for it, I wouldn't be disappointed, just a little crestfallen that it wasn't the 5 Mic-er we were all expecting. For all I know, this thing could sell 20 million records and win a fuckton of grammys. This is, after all, something of a premature evaluation, so who knows? I say get the fucking thing and make your own opinion, but if you can, just skip that "La La" bullshit.

Lil' Wayne f. Jay-Z - Mr. Carter (produced by Juat Blaze)
Lil' Wayne - Let The Beat Build (produced by Kanye West)
Lil' Wayne - Playin' With Fire (produced by The Streetrunners