Wachowskis Reinvent Family Film; General Public Fresh Out Of Give-A-Fuck Juice

I'm going to say something very few people have heard from friends, critics or industry insiders: Speed Racer kicked ass.



Let's assess some shit. The Wachowski Brothers are responsible for The Matrix, this generation's Star Wars(actually a compliment) and Bound, arguably the finest lesbian-themed neo-noir of all time. Yeah, the Matrix sequels were "eh." Yeah, they also wrote Assassins, a laughably incoherent action film featuring Sly Stallone and Antonio Banderas. Yeah, V For Vendetta (which they wrote, produced and puppeted through James McTeigue) pissed Alan Moore off. All this aside, they're a legitimately exciting filmmaker duo. They're no Coens, but who said they should be?

Their personal lives are mired in the kind of weird, kinky, sexual controversy that makes all the leather clad dominatrix imagery of their films make a shit-ton more sense, but as filmmakers, they're almost underrated. I say almost because there was a time when people considered them gods (sometime before Reloaded I'd imagine) and then people just wrote them off as slightly more artistic Troy Duffys.



This is why I creamed for Speed Racer so much. The film was poorly marketed and even more poorly reviewed, having made only $20.2 mil over the weekend, barely more than that piece of shit Ashton Kutcher abortion. People are already comparing it to Kingdom of Heaven as this year's first big office bomb.

They're all missing the point.



In this film, the Wachowskis have managed to come of age, even if every hack with a few inches of newspaper space or a blog is saying they just sugarcoated a shit anime adaptation to make money. They've had they're Spielberg moment, and no, I don't care if that sounds like hyperbole.

We're going to ignore all of the obvious things about Speed Racer. If you're not at least somewhat aware of the basic premise, you probably shouldn't be reading anything I write anyway. Yes, the car scenes were orgasmic, but we expected that from the guys who gave us a 14 minute action extravaganza in Matrix Reloaded. Yes, there are some cool fight scenes as well, but who the fuck didn't see that coming? What no one, myself included, expected was the heart.



This is probably the finest, non-animated, non-Pixar, family film this generation has had. The film skews a little too much to the 10 year old crowd at times, with the candy-color, Spy Kids-on-crack imagery and the old-school transition, Tim Burton in the chocolate factory cuteness of it all, but that shit is just window-dressing. It's the Wachowskis saying "Hey, look, no leather clad Christ figures and homoerotic undertones! Bring the family!"

I almost regret not having children, because it would have been enjoyable to share something like this with them. When Scott Porter (so excellent on Friday Night Lights) as a young Rex Racer (nearly as excellent in small but important casting as Linus Roache was for his 5 minutes as Thomas Wayne in Batman Begins) shows young Speed how to race, I felt like a kid again, not like a cynical movie nerd that can't stop looking for references and plot holes. As Speed strives to win a race not with the other drivers but the specter of his lost brother, I was hooked. During the climactic Grand Prix finale, as Speed finally realizes his semi-schmaltzy but still touching drive, I nearly teared up. They actually managed to tug my tiny heart strings while getting me to pop for the car-race-fight-scenes.



I wasn't super-crazy for the second act, which stretched a little too long and seemed to bottom out improperly after the cross-country race sequence, but overall the film held up structurally. The opening act is exctiting, informative (if in a winky, we're adapting a cartoon kind of way) and the whole thing very smooth.

The cast was excellent, particularly Emile Hirsch, who adds a layer of depth (thin though it may be) to a generally vapid character. Matthew Fox kills as Racer X. Christina Ricci is hot and weirdly believable as Speed's girlfriend Trixie. I even liked the kid who played Spridle. Also, did I mention that Korean pop superstar Rain was in it? (RAAAAAAAIIINNNN!!!!)



The only upside to this film bombing is that people's expectations will be perfectly lowered for their next film, Ninja Assassin, pretty well setting the stage for the old triumphant "return to form." I resent that a little, though, because the "return to form" usually implies that the "exit from form" was a mistake, a wrong turn down an unpaved road. I strongly disagree. If proves as awesome as the blatant title suggests, it will have nothing to do with Speed Racer. If anything, I hope it restores their box office cred enough for them to do another film in this vein, because they, like Bryan Singer when he made X2 or Sam Raimi when he got ahole of Spidey, have the family-friendly, pop-art chops.

SIDE NOTE: Iron Man ruled so hard it got your mom pregnant. Please be friendly to your newborn baby brother/sister, as its father will be too busy being epic and fantastic and making millions worldwide.

GO SEE THIS MOVIE AND STAY AFTER THE CREDITS.

Already saw it?

GO SEE IT AGAIN. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? REPEAT VIEWINGS PEOPLE.