Porn Star Vs, Indie Songstress: Volume 2

Yeah, it's that time of the week again. Horny and forlorn. Bored and listening to music. It's definitely time for a new episode of Porn Star Vs Indie Songstress. This week we've got a couple of heavy hitters. One of these girls has been burning up my dvd player and the other my headphones. Both have sent me back to the local supermarket for hand lotion and moist towelettes. (Graphic? Yes, but no less true.)

REPRESENTING THE PORN INDUSTRY...

SANDRA ROMAIN



STATS:

HT: 5' 3"
EYE COLOR: Brown
HAIR COLOR: Dark brown
DISPOSITION: Hot.
INTERESTS: Cock.

I have a friend who has a deep-seated, unexplainable fear/distaste for Eastern European women. He claims that the whole Chernobyl thing has soured him on any women from that area, hot or not. I guess he thinks the radiation left all the frails with webbed vaginas or something. Then again, he unironically listens to The Fray, so, winner.

Sandra Romain actually scares me. I've watched a plethora of her films and videos and the one constant is that she wants to FUCK. I know. All porn stars want to fuck. If they didn't they'd go and work at the post office. (where, I suppose they'd GET fucked.) There's just something different about Ms. Romain, Anal Goddess and Queen of DP. She wants it so bad its scary. Like, Gene Simmons would run off with his overly elongated tongue in hand scary.

There's a scene in one of her films where she actually fucks Star Cock Steven St. Croix to DEATH. His character DIES and they have to hide him in a closet. In a Bang Bus gonzo video she told a random guy who apparently wasn't hitting it right to "...fuck her like a REAL man!" She's quite possibly the most combative female porn star in the industry. (The most combative MALE porn star in the industry would be Nick Manning. He makes my vagina hurt and I don't even have one.)



IN THE OTHER CORNER, REPRESENTING LONDON TOWN...

KATE NASH



STATS:

DOB: 7-5-87
HOMETOWN: Dublin, Ireland
HAIR COLOR: Varies, hottest when Red
EYE COLOR: Is "dreamy" a color?
EXTRANEOUS DILLETANTE MUSICAL COMPARISON: Lily Allen, if you DIDN'T want to punch her in the face.


I'm gonna be honest. The only Kate Nash song I really like is "Foundations" and I heard it on mtv2, so, so much for indie cred. I really only listen to all of the covers she's done and a few live tracks here or there. Aside from enjoying her pleasant if unnecessary addition of delicate piano twinkles to covers of Arctic Monkeys and White Stripes songs, I like her razor sharp tongue. A girl with a little wit goes a long way. She plays her piano and her acoustic and writes pensive, caustic and catchy tunes about being a twentysomething girl and having to put up with twentysomething blokes and its all a bit retready, but who cares because she's cute?

I imagine dating Kate Nash would be kind of a bitch. She's probably overly sensitive and her vagina dentate routine might get a bit old. Yeah, your masculine ineptitude might help out her sophomore slump, but what kind of consolation is that? The make-up sex, however, probably epic.



I don't know what it is about these two dames. Yeah, Sandra Romain is insanely fuckable and would probably help you in breaking a bed or two, not to mention some bones, but I can't imagine waking up and her being there. Kate Nash would be there, but she'd be gritting her teeth and picking up the empty beer bottles you left strewn about the floor. I mean, how else are you supposed to get some sleep around here, huh? Not sober. Not with all of her fingerpicking and bitching.

I guess this says more about me than it does our combatants. Apparently I like to get punched and prodded during sex and when its over, I'd like my cuddling to be enhanced by being berated ad nauseum.

WINNER? TIE.

BONUS ROUND -

A tribute to the man who made "droppin loads" seem like something to do.